We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
