i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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