There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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