it was like eating out sand paper
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
