Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
