so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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