Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
