i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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