Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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