Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
