She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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