I just made out with a guy for $7.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
