addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
