swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
