Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
