Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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