WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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