if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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