I looked at my own cervix.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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