I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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