I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
