The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
