I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
