Swine flu. Run for my life!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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