you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
