wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
