...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
