I hope mine doesn't look like that
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
