Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
