she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
