I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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