Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I could make wine with my vomit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
