yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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