I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Less talking, more tequila
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
