You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
