you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
