totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize