Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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