dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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