I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
