so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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