I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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