i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
