Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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