Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
