We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
