i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
