Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
