I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
