Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
