yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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