life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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