Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
