she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
