Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize