We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
