I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
