I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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