Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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