And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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