The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
