I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
