I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Randomize
