You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
