Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
