you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
