left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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