i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
