dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
