hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is my gift to your gina
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
