All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
