High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
