wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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