I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
