i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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