just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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