You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
