Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
