apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.