I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.