It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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