i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie