Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?