I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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