a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
