Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think my fart just growled at me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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