I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
