Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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