They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
