I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
