he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
