i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
